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Why dogs are better than cats.

Across the world most kids fight about the idea of which animals are better than the other. I prefer dogs over cats. The reasons behind this are these three points. You can lie on dogs without crushing them. Dogs are the best companions besides humans. Dogs will actually play in the water. Even though I have both dogs and cats, dogs work with me better. Lying on dogs brings me more comfort than lying on cats. When you are resting on your bed or a couch and you just want to curl up, which would you rather want to lie with, a dog or a cat? Now, I have done both. My dog who is small does not care if I rest half of my head on him. My cat on the other head jumps out of the way when I try to rest. That would get annoying, so that’s why I chose lying down with my dog. Dogs are more comfortable than cats. Dog’s will always be your companion. The quote “dog’s best friend,” say’s it all. Dog’s will always be your buddy. My dog, Tug, he follows my mom everywhere. He cries when she’s gone, and he sleeps in her bed. Dogs just love having a best friend. I was watching this show a couple of days ago, Animal Cops. In the show two dogs are found at a busy highway. This one dog is found dead; she was hit by a car, and the other alive waiting for her to wake up. The cops went there to make sure the still standing dog wouldn’t get hit like his unlikely friend. As the cops went near the living dog he started barking thinking that they were taking away his friend. The grabbed the living dog and took it away from his companion. The dog whined and barked until they were at the hospital. Later, the cops find that those two dogs had no relationship between each other, they were not mother and daughter, dad and son. They were friends. Now, you see a cat doesn’t bark or run for his friend they just sit and watch. I have seen this because when my cat was in pain his friend just ran away not helping him. How could you call that runaway cat a true companion? Unlike cats dogs like to go and play in water. You see little and big dogs flying and swimming around and in the water. You never see cats catching a Frisbee or diving out into the water. When I was younger I was an uncontrollable little seven year old. I decided to grab my cat and pull her in the water. After I put her in she decided to scratch me and throw up giving me signals that she hated the water. I thought this was the weirdest thing in my life. My dog on the other hand would go in my bathtub when I was younger. Maybe my seven-year-old body didn’t know at the time how nasty and un sanitary that is but it was fun. If it were up to me I would pick the swimming over getting scratched. Working with both cats and dogs, I feel that dogs fit my expertise. Why I like dogs better than cats is because of the following. You can lie on dogs with out crushing them. Dogs are the best companions besides humans. Dogs will actually play in the water. Across the world people ponder over which one is better dogs or cats.

um im just going to do the same due dates as the last one.

well i was but it was on paper.doc not word so it doesnt have spell check or atleast i dont know how to

Hooray, Anna, you're done with #1! You've finished with a very well written, convincing, and clear essay. I only wish you had spent more time making sure all the directions for the paper and on the check list were followed. I've listed my answers to the check list questions below, and I'm going to send your parents a copy as well. Just let me know if you have any questions, and I will check for your paper #2 due dates when I return on the 20th. Enjoy your time off! JS

1. Is there an introductory paragraph that starts with a broad idea, brings up each point that will be examined in the body paragraphs, and includes a thesis as the final sentence? YES 2. Are all your ideas supported by direct quotes (at least 4 in the paper) and examples from the book? NO - ONLY 3 QUOTES WERE USED. 3. Is each quote used four sentences or shorter? YES. 4. Is each quote followed by the page number on which it appears in parentheses? YES. 5. Is it clear why each quote is in the paper, what idea it is in there to support? MOSTLY. 6. Is the topic sentence of each body paragraph clear, concise, and directly connected to the thesis statement? YES, WITH JUST A COUPLE OF EXCEPTIONS. 7. Does each body paragraph cover how one of the characters changed through the course of the book? YES. 8. Is the thesis restated (with different wording) in the first sentence of the final paragraph? YES. 9. Are all the ideas brought up in the introduction of the paper explored sufficiently in the body of the paper? YES. 10. Have the ideas you’ve presented been fully proven? Have you shown how your character has changed? YES. 11. Have all first-person references (I, me, we, etc.) been eliminated? NO!! "YOU" SHOULD ALSO NOT BE USED. INSTEAD OF SAYING, "YOU CAN SEE OCTAVIA CHANGE", JUST SAY, "OCTAVIA CHANGES." 12. Is the last sentence of your paper a more general thought, perhaps returning to the ideas of the first sentence of your paper? YES.

SPELLING/PUNC. CHANGES WERE NOT LISTED ON THIS CHECKLIST, BUT THEY WERE IN THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE PAPER. I WAS SURPRISED THAT YOU HAD NOT SPELL CHECKED THE FINAL VERSION.

Most people change after they have been through something scary. Tayari Jones writes about how three children in Leaving Atlanta (UNDERLINE OR ITALICIZE TITLES) fear for their lives when kids they know start disappearing. After hearing and watching children go missing (MISSING COMMA) La Tasha is scared for her safety every single day. Rodney starts becoming someone he is not because of the children that are dissapearing (SPELLING). Octavia starts to change her place in society after the children in her town start going missing.  I n the book three children from Atlanta go through extraordinary experiences that change their characters.

These missing children make La Tasha more fearful and scared of life. Having her parents seperated (SPELLING), kids not liking her at school, and the children missing, La Tasha starts to have a hard time releasing her feelings. This leads to lying and fearing everyday life. You start to see how La Tasha is freaked about these kids (MORE FORMAL WORDING NEEDED). She follows her mother everywhere after hearing Monica Kaufman talk about the first nine kids gone missing. Later that night she follows her mother into bed and stay’s (NO APOSTROPHE) up almost the whole night scared for the child snatcher to come in through the window. (pg. 72) La Tasha tells her mother, “Mama, Im (MISSING APOSTROPHE) so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” This was after she heard about her friend Jashante gone missing (WRONG WORDING). She is so scared for him and for herself that she blames the whole thing on herself because before he went missing, she told him he was going to get snatched. She starts to get scared that they aren’t going to find him. Through this Journey (NO CAP AND MISSING COMMA) La Tasha seems to be scared about her life. She also is scared of her popularity level. She fears about herself and her family going missing. (HOW IS HER POPULARITY LEVEL CONNECTED?)

Rodney’s alteration of starting to be someone he is not happens during the time of the missing children. Rodney isn’t what his dad wants him to be. (HOW DOES THE SECOND SENTENCE CONNECT TO THE FIRST?) He was always in control until these kids started dissapearing (SPELLING). You see Rodney and a kid that has never been his friend robbing a little store in Atlanta. Rodney would never go against what his father has told him, knowing he’d probably be wiped (WRONG WORD). Instead of being the boy he his dad wants him to be, he went <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(TENSE) out and broke <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(TENSE) the law. Later on we <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(NO FIRST PERSON.) see Rodney being late to class and sleeping in recess and lunch. He starts to make these changes when <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(SPELLING) al the children go missing. He begins to go farther and farther away from obedience and home. on <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(CAP NEEDED) page 136 his father is shocked by his changes. “Did you hear one word i said to you this morning!” In this scene you see how Rodney has changed himself <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(COMMA NEEDED) and you also see his fright. How Rodney changes in this scene was <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;"> (TENSE) that he always payed attention and always tried to do what his father told him to do, but in this scene we <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(NO FIRST PERSON) see him making the mistakes he has never made. He carries his fright from his dad all through the class when he <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(WRITTEN THIS WAY, THE "HE" IS RODNEY.) is whipping him. But the biggest change he made ( <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">TENSE) was on page 140, <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;"> (PERIOD NEEDED) the child snatcher is telling him to get in. Instead of running away back home <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(COMMA NEEDED) Rodney steps into the car.

Octavia processes this fright from the missing children by changing herself and how the world sees her. Octavia is a girl who is not treated that well in school. She doesn’t have any friends. As you see in the begining of the book <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;"> (COMMA NEEDED) Octavia finds her mother lying all the time, but Ocatvia never wanted to take part in this lying routine. Later in the book we ( <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">NO FIRST PERSON) see her growing towards that lying system. (185) “She’s at work but she’ll be right back.” <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(AS IS, THE PREVIOUS IS A FRAGMENT B/C IT'S DISCONNECTED FROM THE REST OF THE THOUGHT.) Ocatvia is telling her uncle Kenny that her mother has left the house, when she knows she is just right there. This is just one of the little lies Octavia starts to tell later in the book. There are also other scenes where she lies to her grandma on the phone. We <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(NO FIRST PERSON) also see her start to get closer to people after her friend goes missing. Before Octavia would never really try to make friends. We <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(NO FIRST PERSON) see her starting to get close to her second grade teacher and her next door neighbor. She seemed to always wanted <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(WRONG WORD) friends but never really try to make any. With everything going on it almost feels like octavia <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;"> (CAP NEEDED) is conjested ( <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">CUT REST OF SENTENCE TO AVOID REPETITION ) with everything happening. She has so many things to worry about but processes them by changing who she really is.

These kids start changing who they are when kids that live near them go missing. After hearing and watching children go missing <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(COMMA NEEDED) La Tasha starts to fear for her life every single day. Rodney starts becoming someone he is not because of the children that are dissapearing <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(SPELLING). Octavia starts to change her place in society after the children in her town start going missing. Tayari Jones writes about how these children, La Tasha, ROdney, and Octavia, in Leaving Atlanta <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(UNDERLINE OR ITALICIZE TITLES) fear for their lives when kids they know start disappearing. Kids usually change themselves after going through something tramatizing <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); letter-spacing: 0px;">(SPELLING). <span style="color: rgb(109, 17, 15); font-family: Arial; line-height: normal; white-space: pre;"> so, im doing everything due today

<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">Hey, Anna. My notes in red this time...hope it doesn't seem too "teacherly"! So, your final steps are these: - make content changes based on my feedback below (TODAY) - go over original directions, as well as the essay checklist that I emailed you on your FirstClass account, and post changes (WEDNESDAY, early) - read for wording and post changes (WEDNESDAY, later) - read for spelling and punctuation and post changes=final draft (THURSDAY)

Most people change after they have been through something scary. Tayari Jones writes about how these <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">(Just say three children, instead of "these"; even though you say their names after, saying "these" makes it sound like the reader should know who you're talking about.) children, La Tasha, ROdney, and Octavia, in Leaving Atlanta fear for their lives when kids they know start disappearing. After hearing and watching children go missing La Tasha starts to fear for her life <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">(Don't say "fear for...life" twice in two sentences.) every single day. Rodney starts becoming someone he is not because of the children that are dissapearing. Octavia starts to change her place in society after the children in her town start going missing. <span style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; letter-spacing: 0px;"> <span style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; letter-spacing: 0px;">I n the book three children from Atlanta go through extraordinary experiences that change their characters.

These missing children make La Tasha more fearful and scared of life. Having her parents seperated, kids not liking her at school, and the children missing, La Tasha starts to have a hard time releasing her feelings. This leads to lying and fearing everyday life.(pg.26) <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">(No page # needed here b/c you don't have a direct quote.) You start to see how La Tasha is freaked about these kids. She follows her mother everywhere after hearing Monica Kaufman talk about the first nine kids gone missing. Later that night she follows her mother into bed and stay’s up almost the whole night scared for the child snatcher to come in through the window. (pg. 72) La Tasha tells her mother, “Mama, Im so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” This was after she heard about her friend Jashante gone missing. She is so scared for him and for herself that she blames the whole thing on herself because before he went missing, she told him he was going to get snatched. She starts freeking out that they aren’t going to find him. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;"> (Try to stick with more formal wording, instead of "freaking out".) Through this Journey La Tasha seems to start bringing more fears on. She also is scared of her popularity level. She fears about her friends and them going missing. She fears about herself going missing. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">These last few sentences are still wordy and need work.

Rodney’s alteration of starting to be someone he is not happens during the time of the missing children. Rodney isn’t what his dad wants him to be. He was always in control until these kids started dissapearing. You see Rodney and a kid that has never been his friend robbing a little store in Atlanta. Rodney would never go against what his father has told him, knowing he’d probably be wiped. Instead of being the boy he his dad wants him to be, he went out and broke the law. Later on we see Rodney being late to class and sleeping in recess and lunch. He starts to make these changes when al the children go missing. He begins to go farther and farther away from obedience and home. on page 136 his father is shocked by his changes. “Did you hear one word i said to you this morning!” In this scene you see how Rodney has changed himself andyou also see his fright. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">(Tell us WHAT exactly has changed about him in this scene.) He carries his fright from his dad all through the class when he is whipping him. But the biggest change he made was on page 140, the child snatcher is telling him to get in. Instead of running away back home Rodney steps into the car.

Octavia processes this fright from the missing children by changing herself and how the world sees her. Octavia is a girl who is not treated that well in school. She doesn’t have any friends. As you see in the begining of the book Octavia finds her mother lying all the time, but Ocatvia never wanted to take part in this lying routine. Later in the book we see her growing towards that lying system. (185) “She’s at work but she’ll be right back.” Ocatvia is telling her uncle Kenny that her mother has left the house, when she knows she is just right there. This is just one of the little lies Octavia starts to tell later in the book. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">(What are some of the other lies?) We also see her start to get closer to people after her friend goes missing. Before Octavia would never really try to make friends. We see her starting to get close to her second grade teacher and her next door neighbor. With everything going on it almost feels like octavia is conjested with everything happening. She has so many things to worry about but processes them by changing who she really is. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">(I'm confused about how exactly making friends is changing who she is - didn't she always want friends?)

These kids start changing who they are when kids that live near them go missing. After hearing and watching children go missing La Tasha starts to fear for her life every single day. Rodney starts becoming someone he is not because of the children that are dissapearing. Octavia starts to change her place in society <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">(I really like this, but it's different than what you said in the opening paragraph and the fourth paragraph - perhaps you should change the sentence on her to reflect this more specific idea.) after the children in her town start going missing. Tayari Jones writes about how these children, La Tasha, ROdney, and Octavia, in Leaving Atlanta fear for their lives when kids they know start disappearing. Most people change after they have been through something scary. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> (The idea for this last sentence is good b/c you have a general thought that is connected to the specifics of the book. However, it is too similar to the first sentence of the paper.)

<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">Hey, Anna. This is looking good. My notes are in blue this time. Just a reminder that I will be leaving town first thing Friday morning, so I won't be checking email after Thursday late afternoon, which leaves you four days to finish this up, including the changes to these paragraphs, the final paragraph and changes to it, wording, spelling/punc., and final check/revisions. Let me know if you have questions. Hope you are having fun up there! J

<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; letter-spacing: 0px;"> **These missing children make La Tasha more fearful and scared of life. Having her parents seperated, kids not liking her at school, and the children missing, La Tasha starts to have a hard time releasing her feelings. This leads to lying and trying to be someone cooler than herself.(pg.26) You start to see how La Tasha is freaked about these kids. She follows her mother everywhere after hearing Monica Kaufman talk about the first nine kids gone missing. Later that night she follows her mother into bed and stay’s up almost the whole night scared for the child snatcher to come in through the window. (pg. 72) La Tasha tells her mother, “Mama, Im so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” This was after she heard about her friend Jashante gone missing. She is so scared for him and for herself that she blames the whole thing on herself because before he went missing, she told him he was going to get snatched. She starts freeking out that they aren’t going to find him. Through this Journey La Tasha seems to start bringing more fears on. She also is scared of her popularity level. She fears about her friends and them going missing. She fears about herself going missing.** <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255); letter-spacing: 0px;">How does lying and trying to be someone cooler connect to her becoming fearful? The second half of this paragraph has good examples, but it is very hard to follow in terms of repetitive wording/run-on sentences.
 * Most people change after they have been through something scary. Tayari Jones writes about how these children in** //**Leaving Atlanta**// **fear for their lives when kids they know start disappearing. After hearing and watching children go missing La Tasha starts to fear for her life every single day. Rodney starts becoming someone he is not because of the children that are dissapearing. Octavia starts to change her place in society after the children in her town start going missing.** <span style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; letter-spacing: 0px;"> <span style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; letter-spacing: 0px;">**I** **n the book three children from Atlanta go through extraordinary experiences that change their characters.** <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">Anna, this is great. The only thing is you need to explain who "these children" are in your second sentence.

**Rodney’s alteration of starting to be someone he is not happens during the time of the missing children. Rodney isn’t what his dad wants him to be. He was always in control until these kids started dissapearing. You see Rodney and a kid that has never been his friend robbing a little store in Atlanta. Rodney would never go against what his father has told him, knowing he’d probably be wiped. Instead of being the boy he his dad wants him to be, he went out and broke the law. Later on we see Rodney being late to class and sleeping in recess and lunch. He starts to make these changes when al the children go missing. He begins to go farther and farther away from obedience and home. After the kids are gone he is different. But the biggest change he made was on page 140, the child snatcher is telling him to get in. Instead of running away back home Rodney steps into the car.** <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255); letter-spacing: 0px;">This is good, but you're still missing a direct quote.

**Octavia processes this fright from the missing children by changing herself and how the world sees her. Octavia is a girl who is not treated that well in school. She doesn’t have any friends.** <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">How do the previous two sentences connect to the lying in the following sentence? **As you see in the begining of the book Octavia finds her mother lying all the time, but Ocatvia never wanted to take part in this lying routine. Later in the book we see her growing towards that lying system. (185) “She’s at work but she’ll be right back.” Her Mother was there.** <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255); letter-spacing: 0px;">The previous couple of sentences are hard to follow. **This is just one of the little lies Octavia starts to tell later in the book. We also see her start to get closer to people after her firend goes missing. Before Octavia would never really try to make friends. We see her starting to get close to her second grade teacher and her next door neighbor. With everything going on it almost feels like octavia is conjested with everything happening. She has so many things to worry about but processes them by changing who she really is.**

Most people change after they have been throuch something scary. Tayari Jones writes about how these children in //Leaving Atlanta// fear for their lives when kids they know start disappearing. After hearing and watching children go missing La Tasha starts to fear for her life evry single day. Rodney starts becoming someone he is not because of the children that are dissapearing. The world starts seeing Octavia change after the chldren in her town start going missing. <span style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; letter-spacing: 0px;"> <span style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; letter-spacing: 0px;">I n the book three children from Atlanta go through extraordinary experiences that change their characters. <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);">GREAT, ANNA! Aside from the wording (which you can work on later), just take a look at the Octavia sentence, remembering that this needs to be about the change in her, rather than the world seeing a change - and, also, what is that change? Nice work! <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> These missing children make La Tasha more fearful and scared of life. Having her parents seperated, kids not liking her at school, and the children missing, La Tasha starts to have a hard time releasing her feelings. This leads to lying and trying to be someone cooler than herself. (pg.26) You start to see how La Tasha is freaked about these kids. She follows her mother everywhere after hearing Monica Kaufman talk about the first nine kids been missing. Later that night she follows her mother into bed and stay’s up almost the whole night scared for the child snatcher to come in through the window. (pg. 72) La Tasha tells her mother, “Mama, Im so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” This was after she ehard about her friend Jashante gone missing. She is so scared for him and for herself that she blames the whole thing on herself because before she told him that he was going to get snatched. She starts freeking out that they arent going to find him. Through this Journey La Tasha seems to start bringing more fears on. She fears about her friends and them going missing. She fears about herself going missing. She also is scared of her popularity level. <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0); letter-spacing: 0px;">This is good, Anna. You just need to connect the feelings/lying/trying to be cooler to becoming more fearful - they seem a little separate right now. Good job of examples - the only time you need page numbers is when you have a direct quote; otherwise, just explain what was happening when the example situation took place. Rodney’s alteration of starting to be someone he is not happens during the time of the missing children. Rodney is a young boy who fears his father and how he is seen by him. (pg 119) You see Rodney robbing from this local store in Atlanta. He can’t stand up to Leon and how he acts around him. Rodney starts being a different kid. Rodney is whipped by his father for being late and sleeping. You see Rodney starting to ac out because of these children gone missing. <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);"> I'm not following the connection between the missing children and the dad - those need to be tied together. In your opening sentence, you also need to say HOW he changes/becomes someone he is not. And you're missing a direct quote...

okay i only have some questions.....

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how do i add the title of the book in the theises? <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 255);">The title doesn't need to be in the thesis - it should just come early in the first paragraph (where you already have it). You can just say something like "in this book"...in the thesis. ======

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and also i am not sure what you meant by the first crit. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 255);"> I just don't understand what you mean by people changing after they have become something scary....Don't you mean after they go through something that is scary? ======

These missing children make La Tasha more fearful and scared of life. La Tasha is a young, black girl that lives in Atlanta. Her parents have decided to live in different houses before the kids in there town went missing. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 255);">Remember that you can assume that I've read the book, so no plot summary is needed, only examples and quotes. Her parents, the children missing, and not having a true friend at school La Tasha is having a hard time releasing her feelings. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 255);">The previous sentence doesn't make sense - try reading it aloud. She leads to lying and trying to be someone cooler than herself. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 255);">Do you mean "this leads", instead of "She leads"? One day (pg. 45) at school this boy was talking to her and wanting her to be on his team for these running races. Tasha says no because he’s not that cool and to be hanging around people that weren’t as “good” as you was uncool. She told the boy that she wised <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 255);">(??) the man that was snatching all of the missing children was going to catch him. This is one example of how Tasha puts her anger out on someone just because she doesn’t like the way she is living. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 255);">Anna, all of your examples and quotes need to directly back up your topic sentence (that the missing children make her more fearful and scared of life), but much of the above does not clearly connect to that.

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<span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);">ANNA - THE FORMAT'S PERFECT. ALL OF MY COMMENTS (IN RED, FOLLOWING THE SENTENCE TO WHICH THEY'RE REFERRING) ARE ABOUT WORDING. DON'T ASSUME THAT I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT AS YOU LAUNCH INTO THE PAPER. ======

sorry i was late i forgot about it
<span style="color: rgb(0, 128, 0); font-size: 120%;"> Most people change after they seen or have become something that is scary.<span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);"> I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY "AFTER THEY...HAVE BECOME SOMETHING THAT IS SCARY"?? Tayari Jones talks about how these children in //Leaving Atlanta// fear for their lives when kids they know start disappearing. <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);"> YOU NEED TO INTRODUCE THE TITLE/TOPIC OF THE BOOK. ALSO, SHE "WRITES", RATHER THAN "TALKS" ABOUT IT... La Tasha fears for her live every second of the day when she hears about the children. <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);">SO HOW EXACTLY DOES SHE CHANGE? Rodney starts becoming someone he is not because of the children that are dissapearing. How the world sees Octavia starts to change once she hears about the missing children in her town. <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);">REMEMBER, THIS PART SHOULD BE ABOUT HOW OCTAVIA CHANGES, NOT HOW THE WORLD'S VIEW OF HER CHANGES Three children from Atlanta go through extraordinary experiences that change their characters. <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 0);">THE BOOK NEEDS TO BE MENTIONED HERE, SO IT'S CLEAR YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT IT, RATHER THAN ACTUAL EVENTS.

<span style="border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(0, 128, 128); font-size: 200%;"> Anna - My notes are in green this time. The only thing I changed for you is reversing the order of the thesis and re-thesis second, since that is the order they'll be in for the paper. You are almost there! J

theises (<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">THESIS ): Three children from Atlanta go through extraordinary experiences that change their characters. <span style="color: rgb(0, 128, 0); font-size: 124%;">Your only issue here is plural ("three children" and "their") and singular ("changes" and "character").

1- These missing children make La Tasha more fearful and scared of life. <span style="color: rgb(0, 128, 0); font-size: 120%;">Good! 2- Rodney’s alteration of starting to be someone he is not happens during the time of the missing children.<span style="font-size: 120%; color: rgb(0, 128, 0);"> But what IS the alteration? What changes in him to make him decide to go where the missing children have? i was thinking of explaining that in the paragraph 3- Octavia processes this fright from the missing children by changing herself and how the world sees her. <span style="font-size: 120%; color: rgb(0, 128, 0);"> Great!

<span style="font-size: 13pt; font-family: ArialMT; color: rgb(64, 64, 64);">Re-theises- These kids start changing who they are when kids that live near them go missing. <span style="color: rgb(0, 128, 0); font-size: 120%;"> This is fine - just change the wording so you don't have "start" in here twice, just sounds funny.

1-<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none;"> These missing children have made La Tasha more fearful and scared of life. <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);"> Good - just keep in present tense ("make La Tasha more....") 2-<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none;"> Rodney decided to take a place with the missing children instead of living with his dad. <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">This doesn't really say how he changes as a person; instead, you're focusing on how he changes his circumstances. 3-<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none;"> Octavia is a young girl that does not have many friends, she is at the age of being torn between being a kid or being adult, and with these kids gone missing it has made this experience more difficult for her. <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">I'm confused about what you're getting at here - how does the friends thing connect to being torn between child and adulthood? How does she change as a result of these events?

theises-
<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Three children from Atlanta go through extraordinary experiences that change their life style. <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 255);">Again, what you are after here is more about how they are changed as people. (See below.) For example, if I decided to go live in the Jamaica, my lifestyle would change, but I would probably not change as a person. See my notes for the specifics above. <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">

[|Swifty1] This is a good start. However, I'm hoping you can look more at how they change as people, rather than how their lifestyles change (the inside of them, rather than the outside circumstances). Does that make sense? Posted just now - [|[delete]]

Anna Clauson writes:

hey, i kind of forgot how the opening sentences are so im just going to show you what i have for one of them La Tasha is neo girl who fears for her life after listening to monica Kauffman talk about the children gone missing.

__Swifty1__ Are you talking about the "topic sentences" when you say "opening sentences"? If so, I'd like you to get more specifically to how Tasha changes as a person. However, before you start on topic sentences, you need to get your thesis down. If you can post these on the wikispace, you'll be able to see what you did last time. I'll post this there. If this is still confusing, we should probably talk on the phone...